There Was A Time

There was a time
when she was
a ballerina
at least she pretended
to be

There was a time
when she was invisable
because she needed
to be

There was a time
when she found 
that she had wings
and oh yes,
she did in fact fly

There was a time
when her wings
were clipped
and she landed
on the ground

but she knew
that her wings
would mend
for they were destined
to help her soar
even higher
than she ever did before.

The Vow

Some people

say the words

and truly mean them

some people

say the words

and feel they 

mean  them

some people

say the words

thinking 

they mean them

some people

say the words

and think

should I be

doing this?

Then think 

too late, I'm already here

Some people

say the words

and cherish them forever

some find themselves

wondering why the ever

said them at all

sometimes people

say the words, the vows

"I  Do"

but actually are saying

"I Do" ...MAYBE.

My /Beloved Daughter

You hold within your hands
countless blessings from Heaven

each time you smile
your bring warmth to the world
each time you sing or laugh
I am sure you touch the hearts
of Angels above as well as here on Earth

your love is a constant confirmation
to me that there indeed exists a higher
magnificent power
that we as human beings
can only begin to understand

it is to this higher power
that I give daily praise and gratitude
for the honor of being a parent

my precious daughter
how can I ever express enough
the love I hold for you?
I can only pray that somehow, someway
you may be able to hear the words
spoken by the voice of my soul
and in doing so you will truly know
the blessing, the miracle you are
and always will be to me.

my daughter, my child, my beloved
when you were born you took my breath away
I see you now , the remarkable young woman 
that you are, and once again...you take my
breath away.  I am so proud of you. I admire
and respect you. I pray for you always 
and forever you will hold my heart
within yours.   I love you.

mama. 

Gracefully

As I grow older
I now notice little things
like my hands, they are not as pretty
as they once were, but they still
can hold things, and I can touch and feel things
especially when another takes hold of them

I have noticed my bones crack
as I move about
and my once pretty smile
is now without some of the teeth
I once had, and yet , still I am able to eat
and still , when I smile, others still smile back

I see little lines on my forehead
laugh lines by my mouth
and tiny lines above my lips
but the lines that exist I earned them
from so much life...with its times of laughter
times of worry, with its good times, and with its bad
all the joys and also the loss and sorrow and pain
I look in the mirror now
and I see a woman who prays to grow old
not in fear, not in discust , not fighting all the way
but who does so gracefully
thankful for every moment
realizing she has been so very blessed
all the days of her life

In my youth I did not see myself
as pretty or special, I did not stand out 
from the crowd
but always I knew that I was called upon
to reach out to others
to whisper in their ear
believe in yourself, enjoy your life
laugh and learn and play and listen
tell stories, share your heart
you are special, important and loved
always, I have felt this is a message
I needed to share, and so i do as often as possible

I no longer look in the mirror
and see a young woman
and there are times when I do admit
I miss her, maybe because I did not know her
as well as I wish I could have
I think about her and the path she walked
thinking to myself now, all in all, her footsteps
although not always taken on smooth and perfect roads
they all have been important and have brought 
her exactly where she needed to be

So here I am, at 58, no longer very young
and yet still there is a little girl who likes to play
and dance and sing and laugh alot
and these wrinkles and these bones that sometimes ache
and crack when I move about
are still just fine and what matters most
is that we live our lives as fully as possible
with gentle spirits, compassionate hearts
and hopefully, I pray, grow older and wiser
and closer to the Divine, and do so gracefully.

When

It is not our place
to know when
we are going to leave this world

Free will
does not apply
in this matter

We need to try
and not fear
when we will be leaving
how we will be taken
where we will be going

There is nothing
we can do to stop it
we all are on a journey
for as long as it takes
to accomplish that which is our purpose
each of us with a destiny

It is important to embrace each passing moment
to understand and be grateful for the gift that each is
The passing of time is so swift
one minute we are so very young
just starting to find our way in the world
the next,we have had years becoming
who we are now...and are closer to
the end of our journey here on earth
then seems possible, and yet , is.

We are follower, leaders
we are teachers, students
we are mentors,friends , family
we are less than what we will be tomorrow
more than what we were yesterday
as we watch the hours of this day pass

When it is time to leave the place
it will seem to some, just not the right time
and yet, it will be OUR time
we we will leave behind loved ones
and they will remember us
and they will miss us
and they will reach out to us
and I believe, yes, I really do
that We will still be close enough to hear them
see them ,speak to them , watch over them
love them...we will no longer have these
human vessels in which we are forced to exist
no longer will we have to be in just one place
but rather will be free to be in many
We will know beauty
that we have forgotten
from when we were in Heaven
before we came to be
before we eventually took on more human
than Angelic ways

We do not know when
we only know that we will be called
to leave one day
and when we do I hope
it is a day not only of sorrow
or shock or feeling of loss
but also of celebration for the life lived
and the lives touched through that existance

It is never the right time for others
onlythe right time for our spirit
and our soul ...when? don't know
not sure would want to if I could know
best to live the moments
best to live fully and freely and with deep faith
and convictions and with limitless love
...knowing we are all connected
and that one day, we will be together again..
when? does not really matter
all that matters is that we WERE.

As we celebrate
the birth of Christ
we look into the depths
of our hearts
and find there
a constant and endless
source of Love, because of Him
May you find peace today
and hope for a better tomorrow

May you be in company of loved ones
and forever walk along side the Angels.

Merry Christmas my friends, and family
and all of you who are now in Heaven
please know you are remembered
and always missed.

May your dreams be sweet
and your lives
a confimation
of DIVINE grace.

 Blessed Be.

Surgery Day

First comes the paperwork

have to have that

then comes the sitting in the waiting room

glancing over at the coffee machine

 you wish you could have a cup

just one small cup

Your name is called

you meet the nurses 

and you answer all those questions

you already have answered previously.

you meet the doctor who is going

to make sure you are asleep 

before the surgery takes place

you are happy to meet this doctor

Then comes the "needle" nurse

and begins the search of a hundred veins

well, maybe not a hundred, but for me

it ended up ...3 tries then finally a good one,

she tapes the needle down, don't want 

it bumped into or messed with in any way

You feel a little sleepy waiting for everyone

you stomach growling...oh if only I could have

just a cracker or something...even a mint.

Here comes the Doctor

smiles and assures you 

nothing to worry about.

Finally you are escorted to the

operating room

Bright lights! Cold room!

so many different tools 

on a table next to you.

 you wonder which will

be used on you.

You are informed, this may sting

a little and then you will be going

to sleep...A Little?

excuse me...Ouch..

A little...o.k.well, seemed like

at least five minutes of burning

but then it's over.

you are off somewhere

while the doctor cuts into,

takes out of, sews up

or glues together

what was open and bleeding

moments before.

So good to have 

not been awake and alert

over all that.

You wake to a nurses' voice asking

are you awake yet? Your surgery

is all over. You slowly open your eyes.

thinking  to yourself

oh come on now

no way could the surgery be done

not yet, just got here.

The nurse takes your vitals

and deems you fit to go home.

Your doctor comes by

to tell you what all was  done

and gives you instructions

which you are totally going to forget.

Thank  goodness for them being written

and given to you to review

or you would most likely not have

the slightest clue what you are suppose to do.

Finally, you are picked up

and on your way home

and all you can think of 

is Why won't my eyes stay open?

as well as wow, am I starving!

nothing after midnight

that's rough.

You get yourself settled down

and once again...slumber land

You awaken to the reality

that the pain meds are wearing off

so you quickly find some more

before you really start to "feel" again.

You swallow your meds and wait

and hope they will bring you relief

as you sip 7 up and stare at the t.v.

not knowing what you are even

looking at you begin to fall asleep 

once more.

Just before closing my eyes

I think about all the surgeries

in the past and I realize how blessed

I am, still able to be here in this world

with my wonderful family

and amazing friends.

The phone rings, message left

wishing me speedy recovery

I think to myself, see? blessed

that 's  me.

Grateful, that also is me.

Surgery over with,

a bit more sleep perhaps

and tomorrow?

not sure. I only know this,

Tomorrow I will be thanking God

for allowing Angels to hold my hand

because I  have not a single doubt

they did...and still do.

surgery day thoughts, Oct. 11th 2012

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